Proverbs - Wisdom for sex and relationships

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Good morning church. Wonderful to see you all here this morning. If you've got your bubbles there, I'd encourage you to open up. We're going to be continuing our series in the book of Proverbs. We're going to be looking at chapters five, six and seven today. And we're going to be looking, we're going to be seeking God's wisdom for sex and relationships. So before we dive in, I want to invite you to join me in prayer. Heavenly Father, we thank You that You are God. We thank You that You are our Creator and our Sustainer. We thank You that You have created us with a purpose. Lord, that You have created us to live in a particular way. And Lord, we thank You that You have revealed this to us by Your Word. We pray that as we seek Your wisdom now through the Proverbs, that You would lead us and guide us by Your Holy Spirit and how we're to respond this morning we pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. I want to begin this morning by painting a picture. Okay, and I have to warn you from the very outset that the picture I'm about to paint isn't pretty. In fact, as I was putting it together, as I was reading through the research, as I was reading through statistics, quite personally, I think this picture is terrifying. But we're going to paint it anyway. There's a whole lot of research. The references are on the PowerPoint. You'll get that later in the week. But in a survey of 15,000 Australians aged 18 to 29, it was revealed that more than two in three people watch pornography regularly. Out of those survey, 93% of the men said that they watched porn regularly. And 58% of women. Of those surveyed, 82% said that pornography did not affect their relationship at all. Only 6% said that porn had a negative effect on their relationship. And church, this is terrifying. 12% actually reported that pornography positively affected their relationship. Further research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies said nearly half of children, 44% of children aged between 9 and 16 experienced regular exposure to sexual images. They highlight that pornography can shape sexual practices and is associated with unsafe sexual health practices and may strengthen attitudes supportive of sexual violence. And they highlight that this issue of pornography exists within a broader socio-cultural context in which stereotypes about gender, sexism, sexual objectification and violence support attitudes are also at play. Beyond this in the recent surveys, it was revealed that 48,700 divorces were granted in 2003. Roughly 50 to 60,000 children in Australia experience their parents separating each year. And around 1 in 5 Australian children will experience parental separation before the age of 18. That's the research. That's the statistics. That's the picture of the society, the world that we live in. And I want to ask you this morning, how does that sit with you? My hope, my heart is like me, that makes you terrified. My hope is that it urges you that something is wrong. This isn't the way that we are designed to live. And out of this research, I want to humbly suggest some observations this morning. You and I live in a society and in a world which advocates that the purpose of sex and relationship is purely pleasure and self gratification. There is an increasing breakdown of loving relationship. And sadly there is a danger in our community, especially amongst our young people, that they will be exposed to and engage with pornography more than they do Scripture. Thus their knowledge, their beliefs, their understanding of sex and relationships will be influenced more by pornography than by God. As we search already as we look around our community, our world, we can see the effects of this. Divorce, entangled messy dating lives, pornography, sex outside of marriage, are rampant. They're accepted and I want to humbly suggest that in our society they are even borderline expected. And that's terrifying. But thankfully as we turn our attention to the proverbs, there is hope. We see that this distorted picture, this distorted view, this twisted idea that the purpose of sex and relationships is purely pleasure and self gratification. Is not new. Is not something that is taking God by surprise. Is not something he was unprepared for. In fact we see in the opening verses of Proverbs 5 a warning against such things. Before we read I just want to highlight that as we read through the proverbs it can be really difficult to hear the he she language. I want to encourage you this morning that Proverbs is written as Solomon giving wisdom to his sons. So we can read this as God giving wisdom to you and me all of humanity. And the adulteress the she in this passage isn't women. It's lust. It's sin. It's the thing that God is warning us from. And so we'll warm Proverbs 5 verses 1 to 14. Son be attentive to my wisdom. Incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end she is bitter as wormwood. Sharp as a two edge sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to shield. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander and she does not know it. And now O sons listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her. And do not go near the door of her house. Lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless. Lest strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. And at the end of your life you grow. When your flesh and body are consumed and you say how I hated discipline and how my heart despised reproof. I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. Solomon highlights in these opening verses very clearly our human struggle with the sin of lust. I want to just read again Proverbs 5.3. For the lips of the forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil. The reason the temptation is so tempting is because it's alluring, it's sweet, it seems good through sinful eyes. And the reality is church you and I all of humanity were created with sexual desires. And therefore there are temptations in our life that seem sweet, seem alluring, seem attractive. Why? Because it promises falsely pleasure and self glorification. It's tempting because it will make us feel good how we think we want to feel good when we want to feel good. But we're warned do not stray from wisdom, keep your way far from her. See the Proverbs don't stop there they go on to reveal, to highlight that there is a very real danger associated with lust and very real consequences. Proverbs 5.20-23 Why should you be intoxicated my son with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress for a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline and because of his great folly he is led astray. Let's break this up let's see what the warning is. Verse 21, for a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord and he ponders all his paths. Church it's misguided, it's foolish to believe that our sin is excuse or acceptable because it is kept in secret. We read very clearly all our ways are before God. There's nothing that we can hide from God because he is with us ever present all the time. It's misguided that we could ever hide anything from him. This thing that we're battling with will never come out. The Bible tells us very clearly that each and every one of us will be held accountable for all that we do. Verse 22 to 23, the iniquities of the wicked ensnare him and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline and because of his great folly he is led astray. Church it's misguided to think that we can cease our sin whenever we choose. It's misguided to think that we're actually on top of this sin that we're struggling. That at any point I could just give it up, I could just walk away. If that was the case we would never sin at all. But when it comes to sin it is only through Jesus only through the grace of his forgiveness that we have any chance to overcome sin. It is only by the work of the Holy Spirit that we can battle against sin. And so it's deluded for us to think, oh I'm just going to entertain this a little bit longer because anytime I want I can stop it. No, only Jesus is the answer. Anything repeated becomes habitual. Anything that is fed grows. And likewise sin that is not confessed and actively repented against can ensnare and entangle us. Proverbs 6 25 to 35 Do not desire her beauty in your heart. And do not let her capture you with her eyelashes for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread but a married woman hunts down a precious life. Can man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burnt? Can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes into his neighbour's wife No one who touches her will go unpunished. People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry. But if he is caught he will pay sevenfold, he will give all the goods of his house. He who commits adultery lacks sense He who does it destroys himself He will get wounds and dishonour and his disgrace will not be wiped away. For jealousy makes him furious and he will not spare when he takes revenge. He will not accept compensation. He will refuse though you multiply gifts. I don't know about you but I love the imagery of verses 27 and 28. I love the imagery because when I read that I think of a campfire and I think of if someone was to go up and even approach the campfire a little bit too closely everyone would be like whoa step back that's not going to end well but if they then shove their hands in there picked up the coals and the ashes and tried to walk and start it somewhere else their shirt, their chest, their arms will be charred and burned and just as it's impossible for us to carry fire and not be burned we cannot dabble with lust and not be destroyed dishonoured and disgraced Let me read verses 32 to 33 again He who commits adultery lacks sense. He who does it destroys himself he will get wounds and dishonour and his disgrace will not be wiped away Lust, sexual sin is one of the few sins that very truly has a physical impact on us Finally a warning from Proverbs 7 21 to 27 If we choose to ignore this this is what Proverbs warns us will happen with much seductive speech she persuades him with her smooth talk she compels him all at once he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver as a bird rushes into a snare he does not know that it will cost him his life and now O sons listen to me and be attentive to the words of my mouth let not your heart turn aside to her ways do not stray into her paths for many a victim she has laid low and all her slain are a mighty throng her house is the way to shul going down to the chambers of death here we have the problem we live in a society where it's so present in our own lives it may be very present in the name of the Proverbs don't entertain it don't go near it run from it and so what's the solution how do we actually as Christians move forward into this space I want to suggest that we need a biblical understanding of sex and relationships at a very foundational level we need to know and understand that God created sex and marriage and he created them to be good he created you and I as human beings to have sexual desires and we're told that he created us very good Genesis 2 24 says therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh we see very clearly that sex is permitted within the covenant of marriage but if not for pleasure and self glorification then what is its purpose what is the purpose of sex and this kind of intimate relationship I want to suggest that the ultimate purpose of sex and relationship relationship in intimacy and relationship in general the ultimate purpose is to glorify God Romans 11.36 says for from him and through him and to him are all things to him be glory forever amen see God created everything good so that it could bring honor and glory to him as I was reading through commentaries I found one that put it this way I love it they said the ultimate purpose of sex and relationship is to glorify God but this is achieved through three infinite purposes intimacy, offspring and gratitude let's look at intimacy to quote Tim Keller sex is perhaps the most powerful God created way to help you give your entire self to another human being sex is God's appointed way for two people I belong completely permanently and exclusively to you you must not use sex to say anything else so according to the Bible a covenant that is marriage is necessary for sex we see that one of the purposes of sex is intimacy and this is clearly supported and circulated in 1 Corinthians 7 2-5 it reads but because of the temptation of sexual immorality they highlight that this is a big deal because of this temptation each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband for the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourself to prayer but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because you lack self control intimacy intimacy is one of the purposes that God has given us in sex secondly offspring we see this from the very beginning Genesis 1 28 God gives clear example clear command he says be fruitful and multiply fill the earth and subdue it and thirdly the purpose of sex is gratitude we become grateful for the grace that has been given to us through this let me explain this through the words of Ephesians 5 22-27 wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord there's a parallel that happens when we have sex wives submit to your husband as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its saviour now as the church submits to Christ so also wife should submit in everything to their husbands let's not read this out of context let's continue husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendour without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish what is a biblical purpose for sex how did God design this to work the purpose of sex is to glorify God through intimacy offspring and a gratitude which opens our eyes which shows us in a very real way the way in which God is intimate with us the way in which God has saved us and made this possible and so you might rightly be sitting there thinking what does this mean how is this applicable to tomorrow what does this mean for next week or the week to come maybe you're sitting there and God speaking and the answer is clear if that's the case make sure you respond what does this mean for us firstly at a very foundational level you and I need to be aware that there are two competing views of the purpose of sex and relationships that we will be confronted with folly foolishness presents the view it's so prevalent in our society in our world it lies to us it tells us hey the purpose of sex and relationships is purely for your pleasure and your self-glorification we can't ignore that that's out there there's a second voice wisdom cries out it tells us that the true purpose of sex the way in which God designed us to have sex and relationships is to glorify God through intimacy offspring and gratitude but church it's not enough for us just to know that there's two options we have a decision to make will we listen to the call of folly or will we heed the warning and walk in the wisdom that God has revealed to us I want to highlight here that as I apply this in context I could have probably created three or four sermons to do with this but I don't want to keep us all here I'm going to very briefly touch on some practical things that you and I can do whatever situation we're in but I want to encourage you continue to dig into this seek God there's so much wisdom that he reveals to us so if you're sat in the room and you're married can I encourage you flee from the temptation of lust that will try so relentlessly to penetrate your covenanted marriage make sure you're quick to remember and urge your spouse on that in all of your marriage to glorify God see the covenant of marriage is a good gift which he gives to us let's not take that for granted in the midst of all these warnings and dangers Proverbs 5 15 to 19 says this drink water from your own system flowing water from your own well be content in your covenant of marriage drink water from your own system flowing water from your own well should your spring be scattered and abroad streams of water in the streets let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth a lovely dear a graceful dough let her breast fill you at all times with delight be intoxicated always in her love don't lose the intimacy the gratitude the joy of marriage to the call of lust I also want to encourage you if you're married in this room if you're at the stage if and or when you have children make sure you teach them well how to follow God don't shy away from the conversation about sex and relationships the Bible has it God has instructed us I don't know if you recall in the statistics I read out before there's a very real reality that if we as parents do not teach a biblical foundation for sex and relationships to our children they're going to gain their knowledge their beliefs their understanding of this topic from other sources sources that are harmful such as pornography parents married couples we have a primary responsibility to care for our children and to make sure this aspect of life and living as children of God is not overlooked if you're single in the room but there's a desire to date there's a desire to find someone to one day be married if you're looking for that intimate relationship flea the temptation of lust and continue to glorify God in all that you do seek God and date well I've been married for almost three years now and I'd like to think that that's just short enough that I vividly remember singleness believe me when I say I know that dating can be tough I remember the feelings of fear and anxiousness the cries out to God of going God what if I never find someone I remember the allure of temptation as a single sinful man but I promise you if you're single in the room if this is your desire I promise you that there is so much more to life and to marriage than sex alone see what is very clear in the Bible is that sex is only one of many ways that God has given us to worship and glorify him and so don't get frustrated don't get discouraged focus on the ways in which you can glorify God focus on what you can do read your Bible seek God pray fervently serve with the gifts that he's given you believe me I know it's hard to be patient but can I urge you if you're in this space spend time with God read his word because God has revealed the type of person that you should be looking for as you seek someone to marriage and and don't be afraid to give your request to God God invites you if this is something that is on your heart if one day you want to be married pray let God know say God I really don't know what's going on here I need help but first and foremost keep your eyes focused on him trust the fact that God has a good and perfect plan for your life and that in his timing everything will come together his timing his plan is perfect don't be discouraged because you're not where you thought you would be trust in God worship him in the many ways that he has called you to one final bit of advice in that regard I can't remember exactly who said it or what rich sermon I was listening to but when I was young single and looking to date there was a piece of advice that stuck so clearly for me and I want to share it with you dating is an assessment for marriage it's not anything else it's not a time of life where you're able to go around and have fun and oh God doesn't see this no dating is an assessment for marriage and if that's the case you need to know what you're assessing is this person a godly person have they accepted Jesus do they confess their sins do they seek forgiveness are they committed to growing in their relationship with God will they actively encourage and support me not only in life but in my own faith if the person you're dating fails this assessment miserably don't waste your time seek God and his will dating is an assessment for marriage finally if you're in the room this morning and you're single and celibate whether biologically as a result of divorce or being widowed in response to a gifting and call from God flee from the temptation of lust and continue to seek God and glorify him in all that you do it's important to recognize that we live in a sinful and fallen and broken world the reality of this is that at times we experience grief loss and hurt the Bible tells us that we are not alive the Bible tells us that God is with us he knew the sinfulness of man's heart and the vision for divorce he knew that there were going to be situations where we are hurt and grieving but the Bible is also very clear that you are not alone God calls us as Christians to encourage one another in our faith so if you need help can I urge you ask for it seek another Christian brother or sister let them know what's going on I know that means you have to be vulnerable but do it and church if someone comes up to you and is vulnerable respond well don't take advantage of that pray with them walk with them encourage them in their journey seek God together the Bible is also very clear that celibacy is a gift given to some that they might be able to serve the kingdom of God well and so if this is you this morning I want to encourage you if you are celibate because God has called you in that way I want to encourage you serve God well flee the temptation of lust and sin as I said in the previous section for single and dating be reminded be encouraged that sex is only one of many ways that we are able to worship and glorify God intimate relationship is one type but we are called to relationship to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ and so finally we need to acknowledge this morning that we are all sinful and we all fall short of God's glory when we sin church avoid the temptation to hide it avoid the temptation to keep it in the shadows and deal with it alone God's invitation to you and I is to confess our sins to ask for forgiveness which is made possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ ask God by His Holy Spirit to help you repent and turn away from your sin ask others for accountability and prayer we are not called to deal with our sin alone in fact we are told that we can't effectively deal with our sin alone and so sin is only powered it's only dangerous and it's only deadly when it's not dealt with and so church be aware fully will sell us the appealing lie that sex and relationships is for the sole purpose of pleasure and self glorification I urge you wherever you are at this morning flee from lust and temptation scripture is clear that the true purpose of sex and relationships according to God's design is to glorify God through intimacy offspring and gratitude it's clear that sex is to be used exclusively in the covenant of marriage and in the situation you are in currently honor and glorify God in all that you do from Him and through Him and to Him are all things to God be glory forever would you pray with me Heavenly Father we thank you that you are God that your word is so clear thank you that this isn't a topic that you've just left us to figure out on our own thank you that you love us and that you have instructed us in how it is that you created us to live Lord for each and every one of us wherever we are at if there's unconfessed sin in our lives would you help us to come to you to humble ourselves at the foot of the cross and ask for your forgiveness your word tells us that whoever receives Jesus who asks for forgiveness will not perish but will have eternal life you alone have the power to forgive and redeem us Lord whether we're in a marriage relationship and whether we're celibate Lord wherever we are at we thank you that you have given us so many ways to worship you our God to bring honor and glory to you who are worthy of it all Lord lead us by your Holy Spirit and how we are to respond and give us the strength the courage to respond well we pray Amen