Joy when faced with conflict

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Morning everyone good to see you glad that you're here I hope you had a good week I did hello to those people who um are joining With Us online enjoy your coffee have one with think of me when you're drinking it one of my hobbies as you may know is is collecting photos of unusual signs I got a few here for you this morning um stop but remember there is no stopping any time which kind of leave you in a bit of a quantry there the second one um the toilet button is on your backside don't want to go there but that's what the sign says and the next one um children slow children at plays not fast one slow children at play hun a shotgun only if you have any children you might want to keep them away from that area it is a little bit dangerous oh well the passage that we're going to look at this morning is from Philippians 4 and as I looked at it it divides neatly into three different topics and one is verses two and three the conflict between U and syndi Verses 4 to six anxiety and peace and verses 8 and N focusing our mind on good things and all three are worth you could spend a whole message at least one message on each of these topics they're all worthy of it so I had to think about which one I would focus on this morning and I thought about the last few weeks over the last few weeks I've been working with a couple whose premarital counseling I did more than 10 years ago and they've now split up and there's been conflict in their relationship and we've been working through what we do that's best for the children at this stage on Wednesday morning morning I spent time with a pastor who is on the verge of resigning from his church because of unresolved conflict with the church leadership my Ministry is working with pastors and chaplain through providing mentoring and pastoral supervision I've been doing that for more than 20 years and it would be very rare for a week to go by when I wouldn't talk to a pastor about conflict that's going on in their church and I've been in Ministry for for almost 45 years and as I think back there's been four major conflicts that I've been involved in that have had a detrimental effect on my health and on margot's health so with this background I thought this morning it might be good to focus on these verses the Apostle Paul writes I plead with Yadi and I plead with CI to be of the same mind in the Lord yes and I ask you my True Companion help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the Gospel along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers whose names are in the book of life so what is the situation here Paul's describing situation in a local church church at Philippi where there are two women who are his co-workers and they are in conflict with each other remember that Philippi is a small church is a small City in Macedonia and women were not generally prominent in Greek culture but mecedonia was an exception and it would seem that the key leaders that one of the key leaders in the church was Lydia and she was probably the first convert in Europe and she's the only Philippian convert mentioned in Acts but Lydia wasn't the only woman who took leadership role in that church we know of at least two others and that's U UIA and syi and they were in some kind of conflict with each other so what we have here is two people two women in this case serving the lord in the same church church and they are in conflict with each other fortunately that is something that only happened in the first century and would never happen in a church now I wish conflict between Christians was common in the early church you've only got to read the letters that the apostles wrote to churches to get the the picture and conflict between Christians is still happening today on a regular basis who knows there might be conflict within this church I'm happy to say that I'm not aware of of any so anything I say this morning is not referring to any situation that I know of within this church family so we've got two people in same church conflict with each other how does Paul approach this well in the first instance he makes an appeal to these people he says I plead with you Yodi and I plead with you syi to be of the same mind in the Lord Paul is in encouraging them to be in the same mind in the Lord does that mean they have to agree on everything if um UIA thinks that blue is the nicest color does c have to agree with her obviously not the clue to what Paul is meaning here is found in the phrase in the Lord Lydia and oh sorry UIA and caki are Christians they are in Christ they are in the Lord so what Paul is really saying here is that as they serve the Lord together they need to find a way to work together in harmony does that need mean that they need to create Unity the answer is no and it's based on these verses that Paul also wrote to the church in Ephesus he says as a prisoner for the Lord then I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received be completely humble and gentle be patient bearing with one another in love make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace now all of this passage is is relevant in this situation but the verse that's particularly relevant to Yodi and syi is make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of Peace Paul is not suggesting that they need to create Unity that's a task that's beyond them and Beyond us what he's asking them to do is to keep or maintain the unity that God has already created through the death resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ you might remember if you read back in Ephesians 2 or read in Ephesians 2 he talks about God breaking down the dividing wall of hostility that's between humankind and God and between man and man and he talks about between Jew and Gentile so this dividing wall of hostility has been broken down God has made people to be one in Christ he's given us unity and what he asks us is not to create Unity he's already done that but to maintain the unity that he has already created for us if we are in Christ so the task that Paul is giving Ard and synde is for them to maintain the unity that he gave to them by making them to be in Christ by making them to be children of God in the same family and perhaps we could paraphrase Paul's appeal to these women like this you and syndy God has made you to be part of the same family so find a way to work together in harmony and unity and that might be quite a challenge particularly if these women have gifts of leadership and I suspect that they did and especially if they have different personalities or different ages or different family backgrounds or different levels of affluence I'm talking here about uod and syak but I'm really talking about you and me and everyone else in the church aren't I we're all different we all have different personalities and we've got an extra challenge that they didn't have it's likely these two women were both the Greek but we are not only different personalities and family backgrounds etc etc we've got a quite a range of people different nationalities in this church that's an extra challenge that we face on the local level so getting on with and living in harmony and working together with people who are different to us can be a challenge and maybe we need help in doing that and Paul acknowledged that for Yodi and syi he said in verse three yes and I ask you my True Companion help these women since they have contended at my side in the calls of the Gospel along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers who name whose names are in the Book of Life Paul is talking to my trueu companion we don't know who that is it could be UIA if it's a woman could be she's one of the leaders in the church we don't know who it is but he asks that this companion would get alongside edia and syndi and help them to work together in harmony so how could he go about doing that how could we go about helping us to work together in harmony I thought you'd never ask but now that you have let me make a suggestion I think that it's wise for churches to have a policy on how to deal with conflict within the church family and alongside Ministries the organization that I work with has produced a sample document the churches could take and make it their own sometimes when I mention this to passes their response is but we don't have any conflict in our church church and I then say have you got any people in your church and when they say yes I say well maybe this is the time to do something before conflict comes because it will happen I won't try and go through the policy this morning but I want to focus on one aspect aspect of it that I think can be helpful not just to people in the church context but also in families and in workplaces and so on but before we look at that flowchart I want to talk about some danger areas in churches you might think that climing on the roof of the church in a thunderstorm wearing only thongs on your feet is dangerous and it is but people don't generally climb on the roof in the rain with lightning wearing only thongs on their feet but they do go in the kitchen and kitchens in churches can be very dangerous places kitchens are a common source of conflict in churches I'm not going go into detail but you've probably seen it happen the next most dangerous place is anything to do with the worship service by that I mean the music team and the people who manage the sound desk I've often said that if you want to get rich all you got to do is write a computer program that will generate the song songs that will keep everyone in a church happy it hasn't been done yet because it's impossible isn't it nor is it possible to satisfy everyone with the sound level that comes from the speakers and drums our drums are miked so that the sound Des has control over the sound level but there isn't a church drummer in the world who can play drum comes at a sound level that pleases everyone it hasn't been done the next danger zone is a part of the body that generally resides in our mouth and I refer of course to our tongues and the Apostle James has a lot to say doesn't he about how powerful and potentially destructive our tongues can be and no doubt we've all seen examples of what he's talking about but the next possible Danger relates to a particular group of people let me Begin by talking about myself when I was young and by that I mean up to about the age of 40 um I didn't know very much um now I'm in my 70s I pretty much know everything to give you an idea I know I know what what songs we should sing in a worship service I know the speed at which we should sing the songs I know how loud the music should be especially the drums and I know the temperature at which the air conditioning should be set I know which passages should be preached on and what should be said during the sermon but wait there's more that's a dmil reference I also know which group owns which particular bottle of milk in the fridge in the kitchen I know who belongs to any particular packet of biscuits I know how strong the tea should be made and the temperature at which should be served I know which doors should be locked by whom and when they should be locked and I know how parents should manage their children after all we had children we know everything I could go on but you get what I'm talking about don't you for some re reason we become less flexible as we get older I was a bit later here this morning it took me a while just to get out of bed but we also get set in our ways and less tolerant of those people who do and things do and think differently to what we do and when I was young I was determined that I would never become one of that group of Grumpy Old Men that I had identified when I was 40 but as as I've got older I find that I've got to work hard at not joining the group grumpiness and tolerance come naturally to me I don't have to work at it but rather I have to work at resisting it and it becomes harder and harder as I get older and I'm not claiming that all older people are grumpy they're not there are some very sweet gentle beautiful older people and that's they're very encouraging that is great but but I'm suggesting that we need to become more and more like them I mentioned a flowchart before but let's have a look and see if it can help with dealing with the kind of situation that duod and syndy were caught up in and after the service there copies available Pastor Dave's got some margot's got some I'll have some and if you want morning tea you'll need to take one of those um but as before I talk about the flowchart I want to make a caveat or and that is that the flowchart deals with the kind of situations that we might encounter in a church with one exception and that exception is abuse of children the church has a child safety policy that details what to do whenever any abuse might be suspected and people who work with children go through a training program and pass the day is our child safety officer he can tell you more about that so there is a set program there's a set way that we are to procedure to follow in that sort of situation so what I'm talking about doesn't refer to that that's exception let's get back to the flowchart on the flowchart the first question is is the offense really sin in the conflict between Yodi and C I'd be very surprised if it was a situation involving sin if it was I think Paul would have named the sin if you're not sure about that have a read of his letter to the Galatians where he confronts the Apostle Peter for distorting the gospel siding with the Judea OAS so if the conflict didn't result from blatant sin what was the root cause I would sum it up as human failure human failure results from us not being perfect or me anyway probably you and as a result I don't always listen carefully to what other people say and I don't remember as well as I should and you might arrive at the coffee club and be waiting and I never turn up because I forgotten that we arranged to meet or my failure might be and it is that I am quite untidy that I forget to put things away or I put them in the wrong place that doesn't usually happen because I don't put them anywhere I just leave them where they were or I might be insensitive in the words that I say you might say to me particularly the women does this dress make me look fat and I might respond oh yes it makes you look like a whale even I wouldn't say that but most conflict occurs between Christians within a church because of human failure rather than gross sin that's the situation within families and that's the situation within Church families we are less than perfect and inevitably we run we rub up other people up the wrong way what can we do well according to the flowchart we can just we ask the question can I just Overlook it in other words can I just bear with this person and forgive whatever grievance that I may have because if I can with God's help I'll put it behind me and we can get on with life I've got a pastor friend who has a saying that I really appreciate he talks about letting it go through to the keeper that's a cricketing reference means that when a batsman or batswoman is sometimes it's sometimes wise for them to let a ball go through to the keeper if you have a swipe at it you probably get an edge you'll probably get out so some balls let them go through and some help unhelpful comments or hurtful comments that people make are like those Cricket balls and rather than respond to them and probably an argument will result just let them go through the keeper it doesn't really matter it's simply not worth it it's not worth the argument that might follow and it's good when we can do this but it's not easy to do however we can it will be a good basis for healthy relationships with each other within the our families and within our church family we simply say yes I'm hurt yes they did the wrong thing yes they offended me but for the sake of maintaining a relationship I will Overlook their failings and this approach is based on the verses listed on the flowchart cions three therefore as God's chosen people wholly and dearly loved clothe your souls with compassion kindness humility gentleness and patience bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the Lord forgave you and it fits well with what's said further down in in the passage in Ephesians 4 Philippians 4 let your gentleness be evident to all the Lord is near with God's help I will bear with people I'll forgive the Grievances that I have just as the Lord has forgiven me but what if you can't Overlook it what if you prayed about it and you just can't put it behind you and you might be concerned that It Could Happen Again Margaret May notice that one of my sports it's good to be involved in sport one of my sports is lying on my bed and throwing my dirty socks in the direction of the dirty clothes basket she says that I have a 30% strike rate I think that's a bit harsh I've looked at it and since I got my cataracts done I reckon it's around 31% but to be honest she is sick and tired of picking up my socks and putting them in the basket where they belong so rather than trying to um overlook this annoying habit and eventually exploding with frustration she might need to say in it would be um would when you continue to leave your dirty socks on the floor it makes extra work for me and frankly I'm sick pick them up can you please rescue them from the the floor when you miss 70% of the time and of course I will respond positively and there will never be another dirty sock on the floor again that's a happy story isn't it it's a happy fairy tale anyway sometimes rather than allowing our frustration to grow more and more it is better to talk gently to another person and let them know the problem as you see it and together come up with a solution now the situations where been talking about so far uh when uh those related to human failure when imperfect people rub other imper imperfect people up the wrong way but what about when there is deliberate sin involved that's when we go down the flow chart we've asked the question is this offense really sin and we got the answer yes you might become aware of somebody who is stealing or bullying or becoming or being sexually immoral how can we deal with that kind of situation God's way fortunately God has anticipated this and we find the answer in the gospel of Matthew and these are the words of Jesus himself he says if your brother sins against you go and show him his fault just between the two of you if he listens to you you have won your brother over but if he will not listen take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of one or of two or three Witnesses if he refuses to listen to them tell it to the church and if he refuses to listen even to the church Trea him as you would a pagan or a tax collector note that Jesus starts off with if your brother sins against you by using brother we can assume he's talking about brother or sister Jesus is not talking here about how we respond when when we are offended by by the human failing of another Christian he's talking about being offended by an action that is clearly sin a few years ago in a church where I was pasted I heard that Fred member of the church not his real name but apparently Fred made the comment after the service that he was going to the members meeting the next night to shoot a few bullets now the church already had a significantly level of conflict within it we didn't need anymore so the easy thing to do would be to pray that Fred would gain some wisdom between now and Monday night and not cause any disunity and that was a very tempting option that's the easy way but causing disunity in a church is actually sin and I needed to follow the teaching of Matthew 18 and go and talk to Fred about it so I did so that afternoon I knock on Fred's door very expensive house and a very expensive suburb he's older than me and I say something along the lines of Fred I hear you going to the members meeting tomorrow night to Sho a few bullets what's that about he looks a bit embarrassed invites me in we sit down and we have a good yarn fortunately Fred was and is a reasonable person and we were able to talk things through with the result that no bullets were fired by Fred on Monday at least not by him so the last part of verse 15 was filled if he listens to you you have won your brother over Fred listened the situation was resolved and I'd like to think that that would happen in every situation but it probably won't what if Fred denies any wrongdoing what if he says who told you that I was going to fire bullets at the meeting tomorrow night I'm a church member I can so would ever like not an ideal outcome is it but that's where verse 16 kicks in and Jesus says but if he will not listen take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three Witnesses so if you confront somebody with their sin and they don't listen it may be necessary to take to other people with you when you go back to that person to talk about it can I just digress for a moment and say that this whole process is not as neat as it might sound the reality is that there is within any group with any church particularly unequal relationships and by that I mean for example it would be difficult for a 16-year-old girl to go to say a 15-year-old man which in the church and confront that man on her own and I wouldn't suggest that she should and the church policy conflict that I referred to before takes that into account it takes into account unequal relationship so that the 16-year-old girl can arrange for someone else to represent her or for someone to go with her as a support person so I just say that it's not simple and we need to take into account unequal relationships unequal to power relationships I want to try and go through the remainder of the flowchart I think it's fairly self-explanatory it's based simply on what Jesus said in Matthew 28 Matthew 18 and I hope that you'll never need to use that section of the flowchart I say that because most of the conflict it's going to occur within our church family and other Church families most of it will be related to human failure imperfect Christians robbing other imperfect Christians up the wrong way we're not told the outcome of what happened with theod and syndy but I trust that with the help of Paul's companion they were able to bear with one another in love and continue to serve the Lord in Harmony and in unity in the Lord as you leave please feel free to um have a copy of the flow chart Pastor Dave's got some marg's got some I'll have some and I trust that it's fairly plain how the various steps arise out of the verses that we've looked at this morning I know that the topic we've looked at this morning is not an easy one and we've covered a lot of ground in one message but I believe that God wanted me to talk about it because it's not talked about very of very often and I think it's important for us to know how we can respond in ways that can maintain the unity and the harmy that God has given us when he made us to be in Christ and my prayer is that more and more we will learn how to serve the Lord in unity and Harmony I think the Kabula Baptist is a good church and we love being part of the church family and it's a healthy Church let's keep it that way let's come to the Lord in prayer father we acknowledge that we live in a fallen world we acknowledge that we are by no means perfect our desires to be more and more like Jesus but we know Lord there's a long way to go thank you Father that by your grace and through the life death and resurrection of the Lord Jesus we have been reconciled to you we have been made to be in Christ we are now called Children of the Living God thank you Father for making us members of your family Brothers and Sisters in Christ help us we pray to live in harmony with one another help us to put our differences aside and serve you in unity May our gentleness be known to those around us for we know the Lord is near thank you for speaking to us this morning through your word continue to teach guide and lead us we pray for we ask it in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.